Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Went out with my dear nur today.. i really felt i missed her so very much.. very very much.. i waited for her at cityhall mrt station at around 10am.. i didn't have to wait that long when i saw her standing at the foot of the staircase i was sitting.. i smiled the moment i saw her.. though she smiled back, there seem to b something wrong.. asked her if she was ok.. seems fine from her answer.. still.. i felt something was bugging her.. or i should say something was bugging me.. she didn't seem ok at all.. but she was definitely trying to hide it.. dunno if it's true.. even if it's true, i went along with it cos i really wanna spend a really good time with her..

And we really had a good time.. :-) it's was really wonderful today.. we ate at far east plaza and chill at Mccafe at Lido.. wonderful..

Then, something happened.. nur started asking me lots of questions as if questioning our relationship.. i wasn't really surprised.. in fact, i was hoping she would say something which was bothering her the whole day, be it consiously or unconsiously.. as it bugged me the whole day.. anywayz, i did my best to answer as truthfully as possible.. did it.. then i popped the question.. why is she feeling whatever she was feeling?..

After much probing, i got the answer from her.. i went numb.. seriously went numb.. if we were at a more secluded place, gez i would have collapsed to sitting position and stare at blank space.. she shooked me n my mind came back..

She pulled me to one side and stared at me.. i can still see those eyes right in front of me now.. those sad, sad eyes.. so sad.. so hurt, so sorrowful.. i forced myself to be strong.. i said that i know i've hurt her too deep, i'm so very grateful she still accepts me.. that she still loves me.. but i told her whatever i see in her were not really been shone out.. clouded by characteristics which are not her at all.. she's the type of person who's very outgoing, cheerful, outspoken, brave, independent, stern, firm, able to make good decisions, confident.. very confident.. THESE are what i see in her.. but instead, i see those sad, hurtful and sorrowful eyes.. :...-(

Can't forget those eyes... really really can't forget those eyes... hurting me so much.. eyes watering.. heart sinking.. so much hurt in her... too much.. she's been keeping those feelings in her so deep.. seems like those feelings were rushing out from those eyes towards me.. seemed to see those years of hurt and sadness she's been thru...

Went our separate ways.. she was meeting her mum at Simei.. for me, a walked in a zombie like state, slowly, unsurely, towards the bus-stop.. and i actually missed the bus home due to dat state.. had to wait for another.. i knew i waited a long time for the bus but i didn't seem to feel it..

Now... dreamy state.. signing off soon.. need to call her.. she how's she doing.. i love her.. i really do.. and i miss her so much.. especially her usual cheerful self.. i love u nur.. i love u..


No comments: